Nappy Valley Mum

Mummy, are you coming home?

2010-10-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

abcol.ac.uk

I went on a business trip earlier this week. I was away from the little ones for 3 days, on the other side of the world.

Naturally I was anxious before I went about how they’d react, how I’d react, and whether they’d be ‘unsettled’ by it. Yes, that dreadful word that enters our vocabulary the moment we become parents and, so far, shows no signs of departing.

I put them to bed on Sunday night before heading to the airport. Given the time difference it wasn’t going to be easy to talk to them on the phone, which I decided was probably the best thing for all of us. However, having been away for ‘two sleeps’ already, I decided to call home late one night, catching them just before bedtime.

It was lovely to hear their little voices and, much to my delight, they sounded very happy, totally preoccupied with supper and the daily goings on, and, in fact, quite ‘settled’. My son did eventually ask me IF, not WHEN, I was coming home. A good sign, I think…

Before I left last weekend, I read an interview in the Saturday Times with Harriet Harman who said that ‘being a mother means feeling guilty all the time’. Clearly the endless worry and anxiety is a permanent feature of life with children, however, five years in, I feel that I might just be making inroads as far as the guilt is concerned. So Harriet, I’m afraid I disagree.

Boarding school lessons

2010-09-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Yikes, watching BBC2's Britain's Youngest Boarders and have already been in tears. Several times.

My OH boarded from the age of 7 and swears it was the 'making of him'. I know boarding schools provide first class education and can understand the benefits from a learning point of view (only) but how can parents justify it? What is the rush to pack them off to help them to "become independent" and "lead their own lives"? Doesn't that just happen to all of us, naturally and when we're ready for it?

Am sure lots of people disagree, but the thought of packing my little ones off and not seeing them on a weekly basis or more is too much to bear! Even on those more 'challenging' days. This evening was a good example, little one demanding "fresh air" at bedtime. Unable to sleep without it apparently. Took me a while to convince him otherwise...

The art of handwriting

2010-09-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

I attended a handwriting class at school last week, along with lots of other mums and a few dads. The idea was to teach us cursive writing so that we can help our 5 year olds who'll be learning the 'art' this year.

It was quite an eye opener. Having been brought up in the 1970s most of us admitted to having terrible handwriting and we came to the conclusion that handwriting couldn't have been on the curriculum in those days. Always good to have an excuse.

It looks very pretty but seemed quite complicated for us so must be even more so for little people who usually write higgledy piggledy letters across the page, all at different heights and leaning in different directions. Anyway, we are now armed with the tools to help so this time, no excuses!

The latest cutbacks - school holidays?

2010-09-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

(alphabetstreet.com.au)

So this week the Government is suggesting shortening the school summer holidays. I agree that it's important to do something to help poorer families and, although we're pretty new to the world of school holidays, I can see that the long break presents a huge challenge to some parents.

However, I've expressed my views on the long summer break in an earlier post. I think it's really important for children to have some time to switch off and would be interested to see the evidence to prove that 6 weeks makes a really significant difference to learning.

Given tonight's Twitter debate on homework, discussing whether our primary school children should be given homework at all, there are many parents who feel that children already have too much on their plates. There's a strong view that homework disrupts family life, puts unnecessary stress on children and that 'home' time should be kept entirely separate from school work. Surely reducing the summer holidays would only add to this stress?

There must be other solutions worth exploring. For example, if we had a culture of summer camps for kids as in the US (perhaps subsidised for poorer families) both children and parents could benefit.

And a final thought, isn't it a little simplistic and hugely patronising to assume that parents from poorer families will not support their children's learning in any way over the long break? I certainly think so.

Mummy, can I have an orang-utan, I mean, a nectarine?

2010-09-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

by ianmichaelthomas http://www.flickr.com/photos/7533960@N02/2290326447/

The only downside to hosting a party is the sheer volume of thank you letters we have to write. I say 'we' in the full knowledge that my little one is probably too young to take full responsibility for drafting 40+ notes, so it's down to me and if we're lucky he'll write his name on each/ most/ some of them...

So, to distract myself from the task in hand, I began thinking about words, our knowledge of them, how we learn and whether or not it's a Mum's duty to always correct mispronunciations!

Mr FM and I have hours of fun listening to the little people getting words confused but, as is always the way, I'm wondering if we ought to be correcting them as we go? We don't, and in fact rarely have, but are we making our children laughing stocks?

So, some of the reasons we resist correction are below:

- calling a cucumber a 'kookabumba' sounds so much better
- asking to put your 'candle shoes' on instead of sandals is surely more magical (as is checking that the birthday cake has 'sandals' on it before we sing...)
- thinking you're 'owmost' grown up is sweeter than simply being 'almost' an adult
- "you making me a headache!" never get tired of that one...
- (brushing hair) " Mummy I make you bootifull hair-dress"

Too sweet to be wrong....

The learning curve

2010-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Two thoughts for today's post - the first is about learning in the school holidays - should we or shouldn't we be following up with schoolwork?

Given that my little one is so young, I decided that his first school holidays should be filled with fun, family time and friends. So we ditched the school books and kicked back for the summer.

Fortunately he is quite a little studious little person so was still interested in listening to those jolly phonics CDs every time we got in the car and did a bit of writing here and there whenever he was interested, rather than being pushed, to do it.

Clearly I haven't quite been brave enough to admit this to the teacher and I don't yet know what impact this will have had on his learning, but I'd be interested in other views - should we be continuing to push them throughout the holidays to read, write, learn with numbers? Is it the case that their little brains need some wind down time? Are they then in danger of forgetting much of what they've learned? As usual, I went with instinct so he really was allowed to switch off completely although I was a little concerned on Monday morning when he told me he couldn't remember how to write the number '2'....

The second point is a quick summary of our 'learnings' from hosting our first ever, proper kids' party on Sunday. My husband decided to be head clown, I mean, entertainer, and did a brilliant job. We had 34 kids in a church hall and a schedule of party games as long as your arm...

It was brilliant fun and my 'learnings' are as follows:

1. teach your little one the lyrics to "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" ahead of the big event, bound to come in handy....
2. Haribos are key - to refuelling at the birthday tea, to rewards for winners when we'd run out of silly toys and to help mend sore knees/ general bumps and bruises
3. an Abba CD can go a long way (musical bumps, musical statues, general 'disco' dancing...)
4. never arrange a party without a supply of bubbles at the ready (the fairy liquid kind I mean but the other kind wouldn't go amiss...)
and, finally
5. rope in as many adult helpers as you can - grandparents, aunts, uncles and a few friends to provide much-needed and very welcome assistance throughout!

First things first

2010-09-03T04:45:00.000-07:00

A day of many firsts today.

1. I didn't cry when little one went back to school

2. I found time to leave the office at lunchtime and went for a jog (!!)

3. I encouraged a friend to start her own blog AND showed her how to do it

So all in all a very good day. Little one bounced off to school in a Tigger-like fashion, desperately eager to get there. Meanwhile I kept it together and am now beginning to feel almost guilty about my calm, measured reaction to his return to the classroom, as opposed to the lump in my throat, whimpering every time he looked in my direction and unladylike sobbing that last year's 'first day at school' brought on.

On the subject of first days at school, yesterday's Twitter discussion led by Kirstie Allsop (http://twitter.com/KirstieMAllsopp) about the optimum age for kids to start school sparked some interesting comments. My little one is the youngest in his class and so was the youngest in the school last year. He turned 4 and went to school 3 days later, doing full days from the outset. While he loved school he was completely exhausted for the whole of the 1st term and regularly missed school due to illness.

I spent most of last summer fretting about it and trying to understand how my 'baby' could be forced to wear a uniform and sit in class all day, however, luckily for us, he absolutely loved every minute of it and used to cry when holidays came around!

Obviously every child is different and I know that what works for some won't work for others, however, I think there are a few reasons for him being so happy:

1. he goes to a really small school - it's very local and it's a one class intake so not too intimidating on day one
2. the school's view is that staggered starts are actually more difficult for little ones as when they join they soon become aware that they don't know the same things about learning, the routines, the friendships as the others and so can feel a little left out or take longer to get up to speed.
3. the school is hugely understanding and respects the different ages of the children, particularly in Reception. They can go at their own pace and I loved the fact that my son was blissfully unaware of anyone else's levels, rate of progression and learning until the last few weeks of the year when he suddenly clicked! I think preserving this and appreciating that they will all develop differently is brilliant.

Also, for anyone worried about very young ones starting school this year, I found that the difference between first term and second term was enormous. Suddenly his stamina improved (he wasn't so grumpy after school!) and he didn't have one day off for the rest of the year which was a big surprise. My tips, for what they're worth, are:

- proper snacks after school (sandwich, drink etc.) regardless of what they've had / tell you they've had at lunch - gives them the energy to keep going through to teatime, bathtime etc.
- v quiet holidays - we did nothing at half term and Xmas and just allowed him to relax which helped a lot
- TV - he really needed to lie down and just switch his brain off after school so I just went with it. Once he'd had some food and a rest he brightened up again so I think the key is not to make too many rules for yourself / the kids and not to try to fight it. The new routine soon works itself out and everyone settles down.

So that's it, best of luck to all mums and little ones settling into new schools this autumn!!

Parenting - can I see the job description?

2010-09-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

Have just had a very inspiring meeting with an entrepreneur mummy. As we all know, mums juggle a huge amount - work, family commitments, relationships and of course all the priorities that life with children brings. In my experience, being a mum means developing your creativity, upping your energy levels (and finding them zapped just as quickly), marveling at the wonders of distraction, juggling everything, all at once - all tinged with a mild concern about whether we're doing, giving, sharing, teaching and developing our kids enough.

This article in The Guardian caught my interest. Apparently 30% of parents find playing with their kids 'boring'.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/26/parents-children-playtime

Kind of sad but interesting. My children are young so I'm not quite at the stage of computer games but for me that would seem to be the most boring way to interact with a child. However, I do understand that due to time pressures, household chores and other 'jobs' parents might struggle to find time to fully engage with little people. In fact, I think it's often the dads who're the 'fun ones' and the mums who take it upon themselves to do all the other bits, while missing out on some of the silliness. Pretty sure that's the case in my house but willing to admit it's probably my fault for assuming that role. Might have to have a meeting about roles and responsibilities in our household with Mr FM... I'll bet he can hardly wait.

Have enjoyed reading this Dad's blog http://goodbyepertbreasts.com/ recently - entertaining account of fatherhood and pregnancy from a man's point of view.

Last and final point on the carving up of roles between mums and dads. We had an unwelcome visitor in our kitchen last night. Despite my constant claims to have no fear of spiders, I was spooked and gave up the feminist rants to call in the help of Mr FM. He was very manly (for someone who is actually scared of arachnids!) and escorted it out of the back door at arm's length. Delighted however that he didn't choose this particular extermination route... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7973024/Man-blows-himself-up-trying-to-kill-a-spider.html

Day 2

2010-08-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

So the little man is 5 and 2 days!! I'm loving how important it is to count days at this age. He still has little understanding of the passing of time yet counting sleeps until important events such as parties, friends coming over and even swimming lessons takes up a lot of our time!

On that note, he's been counting sleeps until his return to school for the past week or so. Now much as I loved school I'm not sure I ever really got that far. It's clearly testament to his amazing school and his lovely little schoolmates. As parents we're bombarded with 'back to school' info from almost day 1 of the holidays but clearly for the little ones, 6 weeks feels like a lifetime and the novelty of the return to school outweighs the fact that it actually involves work...

On the subject of misperceptions, I have recently had to admit to two ongoing 'untruths'.

Firstly, I can't bake. Never have been able to, never will. The above pic of a 'chocolate tray bake' clearly demonstrates this point. I chose the recipe as it was the easiest one I could find yet still I failed, miserably. According to my mother I don't have the 'lightness of touch' that baking requires. And apparently patience is important too, clearly not a virtue of mine. So my recommendations are a) find someone else who's willing to dedicate time, energy and love to this task or b) go back to our old friend M&S - great tray bakes, cheap and tasty and likely to help you avoid the "Mummy is this a cake or a biscuit?" question....

Secondly, I was slightly disappointed to discover recently that my little running route actually only gives me 200 calories worth of exercise (courtesy of http://www.walkjogrun.net/)!! I can't pretend I massively stretch myself and I am very reluctant to go that extra 1/8 of a mile, however what a disappointment and there goes my incentive! All I have to do is cut out one kitkat a day and try to limit the glasses of red wine and I'm there. Goodbye park, hello sofa...

Every cloud....

2010-08-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

So here it is. My first blog post.

This blog 'does what it says on the tin'. I'm a Mum of two, living happily with Mr Family Man in Nappy Valley (SW London) and working 3 days a week with a brilliant PR agency.

This blog is intended to be purely personal, not in any way work related and simply about my wonderful experiences as a wife and mother of two interesting, curious, challenging, and inspiring small people.

Today's post is about our Bank Holiday weekend and some recommendations for fun, family activities. Given that I have a four day weekend every week, I'm trying to figure out why this one has felt so much longer (in a good way!). Having all four of us around for 3 out of the 4 days has been brilliant and a perfect end to the summer hols.

Much of our weekend was spent getting drenched but, as the title suggests, I won't be focusing on that. However I can thoroughly recommend the following for fun days out with little people:

- the dinosaur pitch and putt just off the A3 (photos to follow when I figure that out...)

- Kensington Gardens for brand new (birthday present) 5 year old's bike riding adventure including carousel and the Diana memorial playground (we got drenched and had to shelter under trees before we got that far...)

- tennis at Clapham Common

and having friends over for kids' supper, tea, cake and an early glass or two of champagne to celebrate a fab Bank Holiday weekend!

Admittedly we did have all the excitement of a family birthday this weekend to provide much entertainment, from cake baking, to present opening, to ice cream desserts at Pizza Express ("with a candle on Mummy, how did they know?!!".

Anyway, short and sweet for my entry into the world of blogging. Very excited to be here and I'm looking forward to my next update, hopefully one day I might even have some followers who'll do the same!